First time at the bar.

Tonight I celebrated my 21st birthday. Colby, Christine, Jeff and David all took me to my very first bar, it was exciting, I felt so grown up! We ended up going to a "diver" Ex Wives club, which it just occured to me that is the name of a Goldie Hawn movie. Hahah gross. I only had two beers, it was the expeirence I wanted, not the booze, I'm not even drunk. It's 2:04 am, and I am in bed, about to sleep. I guees ill tell more tomorrow but I am so tired.

Happy birthday.

To me.

Not having such a great day yet.

21

I am 21 today. It is 2:11 am and I am still awake from the previous night. I am thinking of what I am going to do tomorrow. I am going to "force" some Paperwhites, (put the bulbs in a glass vase, fill with water, and watch them grow) because I love fresh flowers around the house but I always feel bad picking them. David is asleep right now, I love him so much. I love watching him sleep. He recently cut his long hair and although I miss it, he looks very handsome because I can see his beautiful face better without the mess of hair surrounding it, even though he still hasn't shave his huge and bushy and unsightly chops.. one step at a time I guess.
I really need to get back on my diet, and start eating at home. I also need to be done worrying about my cervix and go back and see Joss ( my gym trainer) I need to work out. I always feel better about my body when I work out. I feel fat and ugly, yet I feel skinny and beautiful, because that is how David sees me, and that really is all that matters.
In turning twenty one I am thankful for the things that have happened in my life so far, I still can't believe I have grown up, I didn't ever think I would live past 13.
I am thankful that I met David that fateful day in October, at Barnes and Noble.
I am thankful I got to marry David, and forever spend the rest of my life with someone who makes me feel more incredible each day, someone who inspires me, and someone who makes me want to be a better person.
I am thankful that the amazing person I married also happens to be the sexiest human alive.
I am thankful to have such loving parents, and two Dad's that mean the world to me, and even though we may fight, in the end they make me feel more loved then I think any child ever feels with their parent.
I am thankful I have such a supporting mother, who even though I struggled through school, amoung other things, she has always supported me and sometimes even my rediculous descisions.
I love that I have three wonderful dogs, who shed like crazy, but who are the most tender-hearted creatures in this world.
I am thankful to have friends I can trust, and who care about me as much as I care about them.
I am thankful I am finally going to get my highschool Diploma, and believe in myself enough to even try.

That is all. I am 21.
I am older,
wiser,
smarter,
happier.






Goodnight

<3 emellebe

My hand hurts.

From writing so much, yes, writing, with a pencil, do want to know what I was writing? Homework, for school, for my freaking High School diploma!! I am finally getting it! Finally! I have already finished 2 packets, and I have started the third. It is so great. I am going to turn them in on Tuesday and get more, also my credits I have earned previously will be in the computer, so we can have a clear look on what I need to do. I haven't told many people yet, I will when I'm almost done. I will also be having a graduation ceremony with the students that are graduating in 2011. I will get the cap and gown, the whole nine yards, and I will be so proud.

Tomorrow is my twenty first birthday. I have already gotten the gifts from my Dad's today, and they made me cry. I will call them tomorrow, if they don't call first. I miss them so much.

That's all I have for now. Otis is wrapped up snug in the chair with me. David will be home soon.. I guess ill get back to those packets.

I am not my body.

I feel fat right now, it's hard for me to feel this way. I have never dealt with weight issues, I have always thought I had an attractive body. I just want to lose like 10 pounds, doesn't seem hard to do... but I have to actually try? D:

On a happier note,
I went to SLCC today and talked to a Guidance Counosler about class, I found out I can do packets and get my High school Diploma! I am going in tomorrow at 10:30 to get them :) This makes me feel proud I will be able to have that under my belt.

I also have a phone interview with Ikea tomorrow.. cross your fingers..

We are moving soon, I am very excited to have my own place, with my own decorations.. and such.

Well, it's midnight, and I'm craving food.

<3

It's 7:32 a.m. and I am awake. Hurray for me!
I am making tea and trying to stay alive while I babysit for a few hours. I am so tired, but David got up, I should be able to get up. My dogs are still sleeping though, lazy fucks.

Early in the Mornin'

I HATE getting up early. Really, really hate it. David gets up early every morning for work, and then does hard labor. I can barely face the day to go and baby sit for a few hours, I don't get it.
So, as far as I know, we are moving out soon, surprisingly, my mom is quite sad about it. I thought she would be relieved. I have all these ideas for decorations and such, and luckily for us, we are moving around my birthday, so we might be able to make the place our own with the money i'll get from various contributors, I am happy :)

I hope everything works out, I hope we do end up moving and the previous tenant doesn't decide to stay for some random reason, or the Landlord decides she doesn't want us in there... David said when he spoke with her it seemed like quite the done deal, so I shouldn't be worried... but I am anyway.

I love Stephanie Nielson. She is such an inspiration. She is Mormon, and proud of it, and she speaks a lot of the Gospel and whatnot, and we all know how religious I am, haha. I feel sometimes if I had some sort of religion in my life I would be much happier, but maybe thats because I would feel like I have something to blame for all my misfortunes, or I can plant all my troubles on something never proven by Science (imo) and never have to worry about them, until I realize that my beliefs are wrong and that the only person that can make my problems mend themselves is me.

Anyway, Stephanie (aka nienie) loves to send the "Book of Mormon" to her readers, of course she writes an inspiring whatever story in the book, and then sends it, all for free, so I requested one.. not because I suddenly want to be Mormon, or am planning on reading it, because I think its fake, and a cult, but because I really like her, and she inspires me, and I would like to see her handwriting, or something.. it's funny I'm too afraid to tell David, but I'm agnostic, not shut out, and I don't believe in God, period, so I don't think any religion would make me start going to church, except maybe buddaism, because of the little fat buddah people put quarters on, I want one in my house.

Anyway, I need to go to bed.

It's 2:27 a.m. and I am finally wrapping up my night. My day was not productive by any means, and I feel sick again. My immune system is pretty shot trying to heal my cervix, and I keep getting hot flashes again. It really sucks. David is asleep, and he look so peaceful. Otis is laying on my foot, and Moose is in between Davids legs. Frankie is trying his best to fit in the bed that is three sizes too small for him, he will usually choose it over the bed his size.

I was trying to find a photo I took a while ago of what my bed looks like when all the dogs and David are asleep.. I think it is on my other computer... but before I wrap up, here are some pictures I took a bit ago, when spring had just sprung.





I want to sleep next to David now..

Good night.

Forgot...

I cut my hair, again. I don't know why, I was excited to grow it out.. D:




lol my arm looks like it doesn't belong to me. hah.

Mens asses.

I am sooo uncomfortable right now. My cervix is still leaking snow and I now have my period. I am going to be graphic because I'm sure the people who read this wont give a shat. DAD.

Anyway, yeah, uncomfortable, and I still can't take a bath until the day of my birthday, haha, happy birthday to me... is that supposed to be capitalized? Whatever.

So I had a melt down yesterday, I know! It's been like, 3 days!! My new record!
Poor David, when I have a meltdown he can't do anything right, I don't know how he doesn't murder me in my sleep with one of the knives he has in his nightstand. He cut his hair all gone, oh Kels, I forgot to tell you, i'll text you now...
Anyway, I had a meltdown because I really really really want to be an actress, or a singer, I don't want to settle for anything less then that, I have wanted to do it my whole life, but I have no idea where to begin. David says I need to study it in school, so as of now my goal is to start at SLCC, and then transfer to the U as I had planned, and study it there. It's hard, to believe that i'll be able to make it, but that sort of artistic gene I definatly get from my Dad, the Actor, and the Singer, and the endless oppoutunity creator. As I am writing this, I realize my spelling is becoming more and more, um, terrible. Sorry, well, wait, you wont notice because I have spell check, muahahahahaha.

Have a good day.

Mens asses.