So.....

Hi, I never write here. I don't because I know only a couple people actually read what I write, but I guess I ought to do it for myself.
I am a complete failure in life. In pretty much everything. I finally found a therapist, but I sit there and feel awkward, and I only can open up if my mom and David are there with me, which is strange. I am supposed to go to see him tomorrow, but I am supposed to go alone, and even drive myself there, which makes my anxiety go crazy. I don't think I can do it, I don't think it's helping. I want someone I can relate to more, someone who I don't feel like I can't really open up to. I miss Ann, a lot, she was the best therapist, and after seeing her I always felt productive, and that I could go on to the next day with my head up.
A lot of shit has been going on, in my head. I am convinced David thinks I am a failure, because I am, I am. What have I done with my life? I had to quit this semester because of my medical problems, ( I am having a colonoscopy done next Friday to see if I have Crohns :() and I just sit at home all day and clean, but mostly play WoW.
I miss Kelsy a lot, and I know I can see her whenever, but I am mostly ashamed. She is going to school full time, at an actual University, one that I would never be able to get into, and she even has a scholarship. She used to look up to me a lot when she was younger, and now I look up to her, and really want to be like her. I want to have her same interests, and its so weird because I miss her, yet I don't see her. Going out of the house alone lately makes me so anxious, but when I am in her room I feel calm. I feel so stupid saying that, but it's true. I keep making excuses not to do things. I have a bunch of packets I need to be working on because next semester I wont have time. If I ever want to get into the U, or any decent college, I HAVE to get these fucking packets done and graduate with a diploma! I don't want to settle for a GED because I feel as though I am capable of more. I hope I am capable of more, but right now, I am not sure if I am even capable of getting through the week without wanting to kill myself. I don't see any point in my life, my goals are meaningless, because they are impossible to reach. I need to settle for less if I am going to go anywhere in my life. But fuck, I am 21 years old. I don't have too much time to make a decisions, because I am fucking old. I should have been almost done with school, like Kelly who has already graduated and she is 22 or 23. I can't remember..
Anyway, this post is stupid, as am I right now, because I have nothing but my dogs, they are the only ones who I feel truly can't and wont judge me.