I really really really want to write a book. I feel so inspired. I want to start, and give myself a deadline.. I just feel like no one would want to read it, or what would I even write about? I don't know... hopefully I will soon figure it out.

Holy God the roads are bad right now. I decided for some unknown reason I wanted to take I-15 home from work this morning.. Um, what?
Horrible, I was sliding all over the place.. but I must be a good driver because I am writing this and I am alive still.
My Dad's birthday is coming up soon.... we don't talk. I'm not quite sure what to do. I miss him, a lot.

Anyway.. I am soooo tired, and it is snowy, and there isn't much to do, so I might let myself have a nap, if I can promise to get up before four. :-/

I need to clean. D: boooooooo

Meet Laura Jade.



Just one of my favorite photographers.

Christmas list 09'

This is my Christmas WISH list. For those of you I send this link to, please do not write me harsh emails. Thank you.

♡= What I want the most
☼= What I need the most

Link's Below.


☼♡1.

♡2.

3.

4.

5.

♡6.

7.

♡8.


☼♡1.iMac 27"
♡2.iPhone 3G S 32GB
3.Barefoot In France Cookbook
☼4.Cannon EF 55mm Macro Lense
♡5.Cannon EOS 5D
♡6. 2010 Chuck Calendar
7. Seeds & Petals Bag
♡8.PS3

AHH!

Tonight I met my most favorite woman ever, don't worry, I made a complete fool of myself, BUT I did go! That is a true accomplishment.. I did have a few panic attacks before meeting her, but it was soooo worth it.





Im getting my hair done this weekend, payday tomorrow, YAY!


Enjoy your:




Whilst FINALLY reading your Cannon Xti's instructions manual after owning for a year.

I am so ready to blow my brains out right now.
People can be so damn annoying it is crazy.

I went to the doctors today, I have been having some serious problems lately, and it is freaking me out.
Yesterday I kept blacking out, and the feeling really nauseas.. also, sometimes it will feel like I forgot to breathe.

Anyway, my doctor says my Anxiety is just bad. She did an EKG and my test results are normal. She also did some stuff that had to do with my blood pressure and that was normal too.
I just want to feel better. I am tired of being sick and tired. It is aweful.

I can't help but feel sorry for myself.. my mind keeps asking me what happened.

I am sooooooo happy for myself. Went and bought some new jeans.. I HAVE DROPPED TO PANT SIZES IN TWO WEEKS!! Only two more to go and I will be in my old jeans again.. I am a 28! I am sooo happy. So so so happy..

And that is all I have to say :)

I larv this woman.

i just had an overly loving moment..
I read my Best friend's blog and realized how many times she mentions me in it, that makes me still feel like she loves me as much as she did fives years ago, and that makes me happier beyond words.

David is doing art!! ART! yes you heard me right.. he is such a talented artist, but hasn't started a new painting since we got Married.
I feel like my mom is doing worse then ever lately. It's hard to have a conversation with her lately without wanting to blow your brains out, and I mean that in the nicest way possible, I love my Mother.. but she is going comepletely insane due to lack of physical contact with the oposite sex, and lack of going anywhere but work. Right now she is cleaning out the drawers in the kitchen, looking at every single thing like it is the devil seeping out of the cupboards coming to eat her sanity, good thing she hasn't got sanity anymore... poor woman :(

That probably wasn't the best thing to post on my blog, but if I could change anything right now, it would be her. Litterally. I cannot stand the way she has been acting, but that saddest part is, I know she can't help it.

So, my BF has been experiementing with drugs, and this makes me SOOSOSOSOSOSOSO upset/bothered/saddened/pissed off. I liked it better when she was anti everything....


Im ordering chinese food online now, and am excited to get it.. I am lazy, and have nothing to eat in this house.. I need to go grocery shopping.... adios.

Tomorrow is Day One.

I am determined to lose at least 10 lbs, I would like to lose 15 but ill settle for ten. I know I am not "fat" I just used to be much skinnier, and since I am such a small person, I feel huge.. I weigh 128 as of today.... I just want to be fit again, I hate that all the meds I am taking slowed my metabolism down to a crawl it makes me cry, and I am sick of it, sick of not doing anything about it.. I want to fit in my size 2 jeans again..... Im a 4. I can do it! Please wish me luck.

I don't care, I love this song, it makes my cry every time I hear it.....





The lyrics are excellent as well.



What about sunrise
What about rain
What about all the things
That you said we were to gain...
What about killing fields
Is there a time
What about all the things
That you said was yours and mine...
Did you ever stop to notice
All the blood we've shed before
Did you ever stop to notice
This crying Earth its weeping shores?

What have we done to the world?
Look what we've done.
What about all the peace,
That you pledge your only son?
What about flowering fields?
Is there a time?
What about all the dreams,
That you said was yours and mine?

Did you ever stop to notice,
All the children dead from war?
Did you ever stop to notice,
This crying Earth its weeping shores?

I used to dream
I used to glance beyond the stars
Now I don't know where we are
Although I know we've drifted far

what about yesterday

What about the seas

The heavens are falling down

I can't even breathe

What about everything

I given you

What about nature's worth

It's our planet's womb

What about animals

We've turned kingdoms to dust

What about elephants

Have we lost their trust

What about crying whales

We're ravaging the seas

What about forest trails

Burnt despite our pleas

What about the holy land

Torn apart by creed

What about the common man

Can't we set him free

What about children dying

Can't you hear them cry

Where did we go wrong

Someone tell me why

What about baby boy

What about the days

What about all their joy

What about the man

What about the crying man

What about Abraham

What about death again

Do we give a damn?

I'm happy to announce the new piercings I am getting this weekend.. on the upper ears.... I love Lisa Edelstein.

I start school in January.... Going to study Theatre and Dance so I may one day become a Dancer/Actress... makes sense doesn't it?

Some lovelies below.. yes that is Milla Nude. Gorgeous isn't it?

I disappear sometimes. I get p's and s's confused. I wish I was not who I am. I enjoy spending time looking at pictures of women I think are pretty in hope's one day it will rub off on me. 

That's all. I've been gone, oh so gone.

Sick, sick, sick...

Why does it seem that whenever I start a new job I get really sick the night before? It makes me SO MAD!

Last night I started feeling sick, and this morning, full blown Flu. I have a 101 degree fever, and a dry cough that makes my brains come out of my ears. I hate this. I went to work today, regardless, and it did not help my situation. At least I have a decent job though, right?

Anyway, I am almost done with my book, the first one I have read in ages! I am so proud of myself, and I actually enjoy reading it, too!

This will be a short post, I am sorry, I should be "blogging" more, it's something I love doing.. I just can't sit up for much longer.. I may need another bath, it's been about 3 hours since I took Tylenol and I can feel my fever creeping on back...

I am just going to say, before my pic of the day, that my husband is definitely, the BEST one. Serious, I know everyone says that, but mine really surpasses all of the Husbands in the world. The reason I love him so much tonight, besides him running a bath for me, drying me off as I shivered, letting me where his cozy long johns, and making me excessive amounts of tea and hot soup, is a little present he brought home for me tonight :).. We have been watching a lot of our new favorite show "It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia" for a while now, and have collected the first and second season, which we quickly devoured, so he was on a quest to get the third tonight, and me being in my grumpy sick state told him we couldn't afford to pay full price, and we would buy it next week.. he decided to sell some of our old movies, and try to buy it, against what I was thinking, so I got pissed, but he went anyway. It turns out, the show was priced much lower then last time, and he even had left over credit, so what does he get? He gets something that he would never buy ever, something he would always make fun of me for wanting, and would never want anyone thinking he was buying it for himself, but, even though I'm sure he tried his best to convince the clerk it was for his sick wife, he bought me, 4 Michael Jackson buttons. I couldn't believe it! You have no idea how hard this was for him, but he did it, because he loves me. And that, is pretty awesome.

This wasn't short at all.. but now I definitely have a fever.. so goodnight.

Photo credit here.

I MISS YOU SO EFFING MUCH!!!!!!!

pic of the Day:

Today was quite uneventful. I start work at The Body Shop on Tuesday. :)

Here is the daily pic.. it is GORGEOUS! I can't wait until the weekend when I go up Millcreek Canyon, it's going to be beautiful. 

More from this Artist here.

I am so not looking forward to cleaning. I hate it actually.

I keep telling myself, start at two thirty, OK three thirty, now I want to start at four. Ugh.. I have to clean my room, the bathroom, and the kitchen.. shouldn't take me too long but god I am so lazy. 

Anyway, Yoga tonight, then I have to do some of my routine exercise that my awesome Trainer Rosalyn made for me. She is such a sweetheart, I love my gym.

I'm making some tasty bites and freezing my ass off because I just left the back door open so my crazy dogs could run like rabid gerbils all over the place, barking and growling and screeching and driving me completely crazy. 

I need to do some more art.. read a bit, who knows what else tonight, maybe I'll go to Zombieland with David tonight, I know he really wants to see it, and I could use a date with my Husband.

I have decided to mimic my Fave. Blogger Dooce, (if you don't know who that is, you can check her out here) by posting a daily photo. Now it may not be one I have taken but I will give credit to the photog. I mainly want to do this because I love looking at gorgeous photos, and I hope you will too :)

Found this awesome photo of some really beautiful October colors.. I love this time of year.

Credit to the artist: here

Wind..

It's getting quite stormy around SLC, and I love it! It was so windy.. and awesome in every way.

I worked out today, and I got a book, and a new journal, and some new pj's and some yoga pants. I am a happy girl. This will be a quick post.. I'm taking a shower and then watching "It's always sunny in Philadelphia" we just bought the first and second season. 

It's late, I'm tired, but I can't sleep. I hate it!! I have nothing to do yet I am compelled to stay awake, and whenever I think of the prospect of sleeping I get bad anxiety that causes me to feel nauseous. Shit.

Been feeling a little sad lately.
So the other day I ran into my ex-"fiance"( im putting the " in because I doubt we were really ever going to get married, I was only 15 when I met him) at Olive Garden with my mother. He was there with his wife Mallory and what seemed to be his new born Son. It was very strange, brought back a lot of horrible memories and sadly I let them get to me.
I feel bad for this girl, Mallory. I can't imagine how many time's he might have beaten her or cheated on her. I know at least once... with me.
I am very happy to be Married to someone who treats me with respect. Someone I enjoy to be around, someone who doesn't physically hurt me.
I didn't like seeing him.
Anyway, I really wish I liked myself a little more. Had more confidence, maybe, or even just thought I was pretty again. I have a personal trainer now, so I hopefully am on my way to shedding fifteen or so pounds, because I feel fat, and I feel ugly. It's hard, I have never had to worry about my weight ever in my LIFE and now all of a sudden I am crying over stretch marks and rolls that didn't use to be there.
Anyway, I didn't mean for this post to be a Pitiful one, but sometimes I just need to get it out.

It got me.

Yes, the Cold got me. I am sick :( Booo. I just got over a virus that didn't leave me alone until just last week too! It is horrible. I am all dizzy and sniffly and Feverish and it is horrible. I wish I could just leave my body right now.
My lovely mother is getting me some Vegetarian Chicken Noodle soup so that should be delicious. Ugh, I just want this to go away, alas the computer is my only entertainment.

Tonight, tonight.

Today was quite eventful. I had a lovely facial with a woman named Jill, who is my "skincare specialist", she works for a woman named Cheryl who has her own skincare line. It's pretty good stuff, expensive, but worth it.

You can check out her website here.

Anyway, I am so sore today. I think it is safe to say that my workout yesterday kicked my butt. I can barely walk or sit or stand for that matter, I think I aged 80 years.

I got some takeout with my mom, one of my Favorites, Spaghetti Factory. I know is kind of, um, for kids but it brings back memories. I have to just say that the one in Trolly Square is by far the best, they are so sweet! The cook messed up my order, so we called in, went and picked up the corrected order, but when we brought it home they had ended up giving us a repeat of everything we had ordered the first time, and even a gift certificate for two free entrees! So awesome!

After I spent some time with my most dear friend, Kelsy.

There are a million reasons why I love this woman.
She has been one person I can completely and fully trust. Probably the only one. She is always there for me. She is so so so smart, and talented, and just such a loving and caring person. She is one of those people where you don't have to dress up, you don't have to do your hair, or put on makeup to be around. She is the only friend I feel this way about. I don't have to try so hard, I don't have to be someone I am not. It's funny that she makes me feel like I am a little kid again, and sometimes when I am with her I am completely calm, and at peace.
She is going to be 18 this month. I can't believe it! I have known her through thick and thin.. it's awesome.

Anyway, that's all, she is just so awesome and dear to my heart, I thought you should meet her.

Sore.

Today I am reminded why I hate working out.
I am so sore I can barely move, it's good though, because I know I am getting results. :)
Today my brother-in-law Michael is coming to spend the weekend, he lives in Provo, but our house is pretty much like his second home.
I'll take pictures.

I am so anxious for the Holiday's to start. I love Halloween, it's definately one of my favorite Holiday's, besides Christmas. I just love seeing everyone, I love being in a big family, I feel like I was adopted, finally.
David has ten siblings, I am an only child. They include: Katherine, Melissa, Ann, Brenda, Patricia, Elise, Blake, Michael, & Eric. That's not including all the in-laws and the kids! It's so awesome, I am so lucky. Christmas is always fun, Ann is always in the Kitchen cooking treats, the kids are always playing games, and there is always hot Apple Cider to be had. It's such a cozy get-together.

Anyway, this Halloween I think I am going to paint my face like this:


I stumbled across it and love it.
I am also going to do some mean pumkin carving, I am totally obsessed with Martha Stewart's Halloween idea's for decorating and pumkin carving.. I am so excited, I am counting down the days!

Oh! Almost forgot I am getting a facial! Bye!

2.

Well, I'm not usually a two-a-day poster, but I can't sleep.... my insomnia has gotten the better of me. "My Name Is Earl" is on, and I really don't understand what people find entertaining about this show... (sorry if you love it).

Anyway, I have a very lovely scene right now... my beautiful most perfect Husband is asleep, resting for another day's work of hard labor to support us. How did I get so lucky?

On the other side of my lovely husband, is one of our dogs, Moose.

I am just so in love with my Husband.
Goodnight.

Firstsies.

Ok, I shouldn't say "first" this isn't my first post in a blog because I have had a few before.. maybe this one will stick though, eh?




First entry, first entry.

Today I went to Olive Garden with my Mother. It became an interesting event since I saw this horrible horrible person in the Bar. His name is Kris, when I was 15 years old, I moved to Washington with him and undoubtedly made the worst decision of my entire adolescents. No child at fifteen should ever make or need to make that decision, but I think I just grew up to fast, or chose "a different life path" as my mother would like to call it.

Anyway, that was the highlight/low light of my day, except I went and trained today, AT AN ACTUAL GYM! I know, I could hardly believe it myself.

My dogs are so cute right now, I wish you could see them... my wonderful perfect husband David is sitting on the couch watching a horror movie called "Midnight Meat Train" yes, it is as terrible as you think...

I am going to sip on some Sleepytime tea (my fav.) and eat, something.. because I am hungry.

I'm sorry if someone happens to stumble across my sad little blog, but it is only the beginning, and hopefully an O.K. start to a new and exciting friendship.