What a Joke....

Kris is trying to talk to me, again. He keeps telling me I was his soulmate and blah blah blah. I think he is completely insane. I tell him how much I love my husband, but he says he just wants to be my friend..

I want him to suffer. I want him to want me, because I have no feelings except hatred and anger towards him. What he did to me I will never forget, and I wont ever get the years back that he took from me. I am happy he left me, or I would have never know what real love feels like.

I am so thankful for you David, thank you.

Skinny Love.

I have been watching Anorexia videos on Youtube. There is a girl in particular that stands out. She hasn't been on in a while, over 2 years, and I am worried something happened to her. She is gorgeous, but she has an eating disorder, one I think about having sometimes.


Anyway. I'll be back later.

Done

I am done with my rough drafts, praise Allah! I hate writing papers, I like writing though.

I'm eating Santitas, and listening to NPR. I love NPR. Anyway, gonna get ready for school.

One Paper down....

So I finally finished one of my essay's, the "Reflections" paper. Yay! I just need to do my observation essay.. then school at 5:30.

I am so in love with Goldfrapp, again. They just came out with a new album "Head First". It's awesome, very donna summer esc/early 80's disco. They are constantly changing, it always surprises me. I believe this is their 5th album? It's good, you should take a listen, at least to believer. Although, I love all the songs. I'm not sure if the album can compete with Supernature or Black Cherry, but it comes pretty damn close.

Plus, Alison is a babe. I want her crazy cat lady hair.






Back to work...

I'm procrastinating.

I still have yet to start my rough drafts for my two papers.. the rough draft's are due on tuesday :(

I am just having writers block.

At work right now, Sofia is watching The Nightmare Before Christmas, I can't believe she isn't freaked out by it. It scares the crap out of me, and I'm 21.
Anyway, my mouth tastes terrible, I think I'm on my 5th or 6th cup of coffee? Hmm..

Ok. I need to get my paper(s) done. Waaah.

Finally

I am writing this from my computer, in my new apartment, with my dogs near. I finally have the internet up and running (thanks to a very generous landlord). It's 2:34am and tomorrow David and I are driving to Provo for fathers day. This week I kept forgetting to call my Grandpa, I cannot, under any circumstances, forget to call him tomorrow. Tomorrow (or today) is also when the person I am purchasing my page design from returns from her vacation, so my blog will be looking pretty soon. :)

Anyway, I should go to bed, because it is late, and I am starting to feel tired, thankfully.


<3


p.s.
it seems to already be smelling like home, Frankie just laid a very smelly fart bomb.

Goodnight.

Ode to Otis

It's been almost a week since we fully moved in. David and I haven't been able to patch the holes in the fence yet, therefore my most precious dogs cannot come home with us quite yet. This makes me extremely sad, especially since I am not able to hold Otis every night and cuddle up to him and smell his fur to go to sleep (seriously, it's so comforting, he smells good.. no really).
Otis is a very special dog. I swear he is my dog Goldie's (rip) child. He acts and looks so much like her, to me, except for his incessant barking.









I love you Otis.

I don't want to eat.

I feel so disgusting. I sat through class today just staring at my thighs. I think they are big, I think I am big. I go around the hallways comparing myself to others. What a terrible way to live. I should be happy I am healthy, have all of my limbs, and am not starving. I need this to change. I keep telling myself when my hair grows back, and all the dieting and excercise I have been doing kicks in, I will feel beautiful. But I should feel beautiful no matter what. I miss who I used to be. Will I ever get her back?

{CuisineZie}

Ok, I am indecisive... but.. I changed my Cooking blog to CuisineZie

I like it better, (Mackenzie) get it? Ok. Good.

cuisinezie.blogspot.com

>follow< if you like :) I promise I will be posting soon, I already have a few recipes. Internet is still not on at the apartment, but I suspect it will be this coming weekend. I am typing this from school. :(

<3

ps.
The person who will be desiging this blog is out of town until the 20th, but it should be looking spectacular soon.

I'm going to be re-designing my blog, I might actually pay for someone to do it. I have found a couple of websites that you can purchase a custom made blog, or one that is pre-made. Or ill try to figure out how to make it myself... ahh I need internet.

So, we got the keys to our new place. I am excited to move, but really scared at the same time. I am afraid of failure, I am always afraid I will fail.
My best friend Kelsy graduated from HS on wed. I am so happy and proud of her. It makes me feel more motivated to get my High school diploma, but I have so many hours more of packets to do. I guess it's better then years.
I have been really depressed the past few days. I am not totally sure why. I have a lot of good things happening lately, but I am so overly stressed I sometimes don't know how to cope. I don't really want to go into details, because I feel like they make me look weak, or sound weak. I'm not weak, I just have problems, like everyone else. I think I just let my problems take over me, instead of trying to fix them.
My mom made me an appt. with a therapist, hopefully that will get me feeling better. I feel like my brain holds me hostage, I can't shut it off, and it's killing me.

Coming soon...

I am soon to be dabbling in the world of cooking, so I thought I would start a blog. I have some decent recipes I would like to share, and I do love cooking. "CuisineMe" is the name of it, cuisineme.blogspot.com
look out for it.

It's late, I'm so tired. I should be sleeping.

Goodnight.

<3